Ghostride the Blog

Conceived and birthed by Dan. Coddled and commented on by Sallie

Its seems that rap and hip hop music continues to get more ridiculous as BET and MTV shove bad rappers down our throats. Where’s the creativity of Run DMC or the quirkiness of the Beastie Boys? What about the very real lyrics about living on the streets by Tupac, Snoop Dogg, Biggie Smalls or NAS?

Sal: Tupac’s not dead!

Instead we’re stuck with the likes of Soulja Boy, who somehow repeats the same nonsensical lyrics over and over again and continues to top the charts. Does he become a platinum artist because people like Lacy are obsessed with how ridiculous he is? Or can we blame BET for telling people this is how you’re supposed to act? For those of you that don’t know who Soulja Boy is, he sings the song with the chorus that says, “Superman dat’ ho!” and supposedly teaches a dance during the song. I’ve seen this dance because it’s the only one that Soulja Boy and his crew know how to do.

Sal: I have a bit of a soft spot for ridiculous rap songs. There’s something about the goofy lyrics and bass-banging beats that puts some bounce in my step whenever I hear certain songs. They’re like parasites that wiggle their way into my ears and feed on my IQ points. I’ll be washing the dishes only to realize I’ve been muttering some Nelly song to myself the entire time. It can be a little embarrassing.

Then there’s R. Kelly, who is the Mike Tyson of the rap industry. At one point he was a great entertainer. He took a few too many hits to the face and is insane now. “Trapped in the Closest” is his opus. R. Kelly truly believes it’s a masterpiece. You don’t even have to watch the video; just let me give you the highlights. R. Kelly walks in on his lover cheating on him, so he pulls a gun. R. Kelly cheats on his woman, but hides in a closet when her lover comes home. Somehow a cop and a midget get involved and someone gets shot. I wish I was making this all up, but unfortunately I’m not. For a taste of how bad R. Kelly is, check out “Real Talk” on Youtube.

Sal: R. Kelly just needed to get some stuff off his chest. Respect.

I wonder if people like Soulja Boy and R. Kelly know that they are going platinum mostly because of how bad they are. People consider them a joke and love passing “Trapped in the Closet” around at parties to get a good laugh.

Sal: Most of the time, I think people might pass these songs and videos to get a laugh, but end up developing an actual like for these artists. That’s typically what happens to me, and the reason why I now own three Ludacris albums.

Another great and lewd rap team that bothers me is the Ying Yang Twins. These guys are responsible for whispering very disgusting sexual lyrics for four minutes. Songs can be sexual and not vulgar; Marvin Gaye and Al Green played in the background while lovers sipped wine together for decades. Even as recent as LL Cool J, sexy was smooth, but clean. The sexual energy in modern rap music is almost violent. It makes me want to hit women sometimes when I listen to the music, and I don’t even blast it in my car.

Sal: Which is why Dan and I don’t listen to Top 40 radio stations when we’re driving together. Gotta stick with the trusty mix tape or talk radio. Road rage + Bad rap = Violent Outbursts.

That brings me to yet another point. What’s with rap enthusiasts owning complete crap cars, but putting a sub in the trunk and driving down the street blasting music so loud that I can’t hear my own radio, even though my windows are up. Is this a case of “if it’s too loud, you’re too old” or do other people feel irritated when they’re stuck in traffic listening to Lil’ John scream “YAAAAY!” It can’t be fun to listen to the distorted bass drown out the song. Why listen to music at all if you can’t decipher what is going on?

Sal: It is annoying, but perhaps we’ll benefit from it in the long run. These people have to be seriously damaging their hearing. Eventually, they’ll probably be completely deaf and won’t be able to listen to music at all. In 20 years, we’ll all be able to drive in peace.

Don’t get me wrong. There are some very talented rappers out there today. Dr. Dre still does great stuff. Kanye West, although he’s pompous sometimes, is extremely talented. Ludacris knows he’s a cartoon and raps like he is. Jay Z is about as close to an early-mid 90s gangster rapper around today. Eminem does rap better than many other rappers. So why do we get 400 hundred crap rappers all named “Lil” or “Fat” something, all rapping about going to the club and drinking whatever it is that rappers think is cool to drink nowadays?

Sal: BECAUSE IT’S TIME TO GET CRUNK!

I have to blame the music channels and stations for essentially creating clones of the previous generation of rappers, but watered down. I always wondered if I was racist for thinking BET is a crock of crap for featuring “tricked out” Escalades, almost naked women, and men dressed in flamboyant one-color outfits (hat, jacket, shirt, pants, and shoes) with chains hanging off their necks. I’ve been reading a lot of Boondocks lately, and I’m glad to see that Aaron McGruder, an intelligent black man, feels the same way. When will the marketable stop being so pathetic? Did pathetic become marketable or did the marketable just become pathetic?

Sal: I SAID, IT’S TIME TO GET CRUNK! Now excuse me while I run off to go buy a new tall T, a case of Cristal and some ragin’ bling. I gots business to officiate.