Californication

Obviously, this blog has been slumbering for quite some time.It takes something pretty overpowering to wake the beast up. This time? Californication.

This isn’t your Red Hot Chili Peppers Californication. Let’s say the Red Hot Chili Peppers are a PG-13 blockbuster. Their hits are great, don’t get me wrong, but definitely geared toward all audiences. The Californication we’re talking about is so raunchy that if you watch it with people you aren’t completely comfortable around, you’ll be begging to be the person who makes the popcorn just to get out of the room.

As a kid, my brother and I played The X-Files. We’d run around New Orleans collecting dirt samples in old film canisters for evidence, climb trees to observe our foes and tune our walkie-talkies perfectly so we could pretend that we were on the same wavelength as Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. 

No one is on the same wavelength as Scully and Mulder, although high five for trying. There were many times when I was Mulder and had no Scully. Essentially, I was a lonely guy in a basement office that searched for UFOs and ghosts. Sad face. :(

The closest I ever got was my red hair. The closest my brother ever got was…Frank Moody.

The closest I ever got was Sallie Hickle. Wait a minute… I’m married to a Scully… and a Ginny Weasley in one. I win!

Frank Moody, Californication’s protagonist, is a whiskey-drinking, pack-a-day-smoking fuck-up of writer with a serious (unintentional) inclination for underage girls. In the first season of the show, we meet Frank in quite the state. His ex-lover/never-quite-wife is seemingly happily in love with the whitest of white bread, a stark contrast to Frank’s rich rye. We find out soon enough that Frank and his ex-lover, Karen van der Beek, have a 12-year-old daughter named Becca who is wise beyond her years. To add insult to injury, Frank’s hit a bit of a dry spell in his writing and his agent is so entrenched in the affair that he’s having with his Suicide Girl secretary that he hardly has the time or attention span for anything else.

Really Frank’s dry spell lasts about two episodes and about a half a dozen girls. Then he pretends to have a dry spell out of spite. Really he’s just a drinker with a badass problem. If I weren’t married, I would gladly be a Frank Moody. God forbid I ever get divorced, because Frank Moody just isn’t as cool of a character when he’s a divorcee. 

There are a variety of things that make this show great, not least of which is the fact that Fox Mulder is gracing the public with his televised glory once again. 

I don’t understand why his big-screen career never took off. He’s just so great. Honestly, I wish I could put him in a cage, take him for walks, and love him forever. 

But seriously, Californication is an incredible show that takes precious time in developing its characters. Each person is entirely more complicated than his or her character would leave the audience to believe on first impression, which makes the season finale even more shocking. If you have a soft spot in your heart for Fox Mulder, underage sex, rampant alcoholism, drug use, witty banter, bi-curiosity, diamonds in the rough, unsung heroes or people vomiting on fine art, add Californication to your must-see TV list.

Well hell, with that description, I’d say this is the family television show of the decade. 


Dan's comments are in bold, Sallie's are normal text.